Thursday, February 23, 2012

Applicable to my life lately

I've been having a terrible time keeping up with life lately. Everytime I feel myself giving up, I read this poem and remember to just push through:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Senses Fail at Emo's

Tonight I went to Senses Fail's show at Emo's with my boyfriend. Opening for Senses Fail were Thieves, The Story so Far, Make Do and Mend, and Stick to Your Guns. All in all, not really my scene. Just a touch too hardcore for my tastes, but I went with it. It was my boyfriend's birthday present and I just wanted him to have a good time.

Thieves was actually really good. A local band from here in Austin. They all seemed fairly young, but incredibly talented. I'll have to look into them.

After the Make Do and Mend set I shouted at James and asked if I could have one of his guitar picks, so he handed me an unused one off of his mic stand. Not ever having heard of Make Do and Mend before this tour, I decided to give it to a kid there who seemed to really love the band. Karma is an awesome thing, my friends. After Stick to Your Guns played and they were setting the stage for Senses Fail, I spotted the pick that James had actually been using and dropped. It fell on the stage and had been pushed to the edge when the crew was moving around monitors. Freaking awesome turn of luck. An Emo's employee walked by not long after I spotted it; I asked him to hand it to me. He gave me a slightly weird look then gave it to me. So I got the pick that James had used to play his set. It was pretty awesome. The dunlop logo is all smudged from where he held it. Pick number two in my new collection.

This wasn't the only cool thing we left with that night. My boyfriend was able to get the Senses Fail set list, and we also got a free CD from one of my acquaintance's. He goes to school with me and was pimping out his band's CDs. They're actually fairly good so if you get a chance, look them up. Junes Not Faking is their name. They'll be playing in San Antonio mid-December if you like them. I'd love to go but would never see myself spending all that gas money.

It's four in the morning here and I am scheduled to work an eight and a half hour shift tomorrow. Have to hit the gym before that so it's off to sleep I go.

Had a great night. I will always love live music.

Pictures of our goodies:




Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Sleep Makes Everything Better

I learned that lesson today. Stressing about a paper that was due, an upcoming speech when I hate public speaking, having no money for gas and probably having to wrack up more credit charges just to pay for gas to get to school. But then I took a nap. Despite my pressing due date on the paper, I took a nap.

I woke up feeling so refreshed and ready to tackle the paper. Turned it in and did better than I thought. Today I learned that sleep makes everything better, and college students really should start getting more of it. Save the partying for the weekend, don't stress so much about grades. You shouldn't need to pull all nighters if you're keeping up with your classes.

Put down the books. Turn off the cell phone. Take a deep breathe. And get some sleep. My bit of wisdom for today.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Things Are Looking Up

I had a really fantastic day today. My life is not perfect by any means. But I'm making it work. And making myself happy. I love my boyfriend. It's been a long time since I just sat in a Taco Bell and talked to him. And laughed. Oh boy did we laugh. I love that he's comfortable with me. I love that I can be my stupid, goofy, retarded self and he still loves me. I love that he can make fun of me and I don't get insanely self conscious. *gushgushgush* I love my guy.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

My Head is About to Explode


I've been having a really hard time lately. With so much different stuff. It's all swirling around my head. And driving me absolutely bonkers. I wish I could meet with my therapist more than once every two weeks. But I'm not gonna complain. My mom is paying for it when I know money is so incredibly tight. So I'm just lucky to have a mom that will do that for me. Because I definitely don't deserve it.

School is overwhelming me. I keep thinking I'm doing alright and then my professors tell me I did it completely wrong. Actually making things look like the example of what not to do. Great. Just great. I'm paying $700+ dollars to be told I'm an idiot. But on the bright side, today I learned I got full points on a writing assignment that I was unsure about. So I guess I'm not doing as badly as I thought.

I'm stressing about money. Seems like theres always something to spend money on. Except that I have no money. Right after I pay my tuition for next semester, my car feels like another engine mount is broken. This could all be me just being paranoid. But with my luck, I doubt it.

I don't really like who I am. But to be fair, I'm not even really sure of who I am. Everything is so confusing and overwhelming right now. Everyone is telling me that I have to experience things and discover new things and start to figure out what I believe. And decide these things on my own, not let somebody else influence me. But that just feels weird to me. Especially if what I believe conflicts with what my mother thinks. Because then I just feel guilty for believing it. It's just really hard to grow up in the midst of all of this crap. And I love my mom, but it's hard to grow up and become my own person while still in her house. That's not gonna make me run for the hills, but it does make it hard.

My puppy is asleep on my bed. My knees are telling me that's where I need to be. I'm such an old lady. My knees ache when I'm tired.

Time for this old lady to hit the hay. Night!

Monday, October 25, 2010

And Now For Something Completely Different....







Life has completely overwhelmed me tonight. So my mind really isn't in a blogging place right now. But I really want to be consistent in updating this every night. I was looking through an old journal tonight, just a little creative outlet from a few years ago, and I stumbled upon this barely started story. I just feel like posting it just because. And since it's my blog, I can. There was no title. Just a quote and then straight into the story.



"Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life."

He sat in the dark room staring; nursing a scotch as his thoughts wandered to the gun lying on the table. The black metal popped against the white marble of the table. He took a long puff from his cigarette and asked himself: "The mouth? The temple? Straight through the heart? That's what hurts the most." He rose and stumbled across the room. On his way to the table he bumped the record player. The needle swung to life, to the record spun. Caught off guard, he ran to turn it off. The music stopped him. He slowly slunk back to the chair. His scotch replenished, he relaxed as the music filled the room:

All the boys I've known
Used to say I was made of stone
They would always leave me alone in despair
I've been on the pan
I've been called an electric fan
Told I'm even much colder than Frigidaire

"Why am I So Romantic?", he leaned against the door frame and smiled as the petite girl swung around, beyond frightened.

"Excuse me?"

"That song. Lilian Roth. 'Why am I So Romantic?' I'm sorry if I'm intruding. Its just, your door was open. And I love the song. Are you new here?"

"Yes, I just moved in. I thought I would play some music while I unpacked."

He slowly entered the room. Boxes lay scattered about. She had not made much progress in the two hours that she had been working. The record player was all that had left a box. He offered to help. Of course he did. She was cute, and he was a gentleman. She politely declined, claiming she didn't want to be a bother.

"Oh, it wouldn't be a bother at all. It really looks like you could use some help."

She stared at the boxes and felt she must concede. She smiled and nodded. He smiled back. They made their introductions. He was Erik Novak, she Carol White. She smiled again, her eyes sparkled this time. The sparkle ignited a flame in his veins. Her icy blue eyes cooled the heat.

"Well where should we start then?" he asked while removing his jacket and rolling up his sleeves.

"Well, we could start by going through the records."

He laughed and made a quip about the records being the reason for the many boxes left unpacked.

"Yes, well, I get easily distracted" she blushed.

"That I can understand," he nodded knowingly, "I can't see a piano without touching it."



That's as far as I got. I kinda wanna finish it. Maybe I will someday.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I Hate Being In Love












Being in love sucks. I hate old classic movies that made me think it was all unicorns and rainbows. That's not real love at all. Real love is cold, evil, and just plain mean. I hate it.

I hate waking up thinking of him and then getting yelled at when I call just because I miss him and I want to hear his voice.

I hate being placed on a pedestal. He expects so much from me. Then when I make a mistake, as humans will do, I get treated like I'm the worst person in the world.

I hate that I make ONE mistake in a year and it completely undoes all of what we've worked so hard on.

I hate getting ignored on Facebook. Apparently its not cool to recognize the fact that your girlfriend exists on Facebook. But talking to all the guys is perfectly fine.

I hate when he calls at 7:45 in the morning on his way to work and expects me to talk to him, but I can't do the same.

I hate that he only comes on Fridays. And yells at me when I ask if we can see each other on other days.

I hate when he's mad at me. It just makes me want to crawl into his arms even more. But he's mad, so of course he pushes me away.

I hate when he's not here....

I hate when he leaves....

I hate when he's busy and can't respond to my texts.

I hate when I dream that he's here and wake up to emptiness and loneliness.

I hate......being in love?

Ah who I am kidding. I love being in love. I know I'd miss the 7:45 am phone calls if I suddenly stopped getting them. I love how it drives me crazy when he doesn't recognize me on Facebook. I love when he looks at me and just smiles. I love when he falls asleep on me. I love how mad he can make me. I love how mad I can make him. I love how when I'm mad and yelling, he kisses me and won't let me yell. And does it so long that I eventually just start laughing and forget why I was angry in the first place. I love how he worries when I fall off of a horse. And holds me down to scrub out the wound. And I love the pained look he gets on his face when I'm yelling and writhing. Like it's hurting his soul to be causing me pain. Even though the pain is necessary to get better.

I love when he offers to drive an hour and a half to rescue me just because I ran out of gas at ACC. I love when he says I'm his best friend. I love that I'm in love with my best friend. I love that he watches What Not To Wear and Say Yes to the Dress with me. And will take me to see Sex and the City 2. I love when he makes me text him three times when I get off work at midnight. Once when I'm leaving the building, once when I'm in my car after walking across the dark, scary parking lot, and once when I get home safe and sound. I love that he worries.

Because I probably worry double. He hurt his Achilles tendon at the paintball game yesterday. I think I told him how to take care of it about 10 times.

I love him. Even when I'm angry or sorry or hurt or whatever. I just love my guy.






And I love that he loves my puppy. My two boys have to get along, and boy do they.