My Head is About to Explode

I've been having a really hard time lately. With so much different stuff. It's all swirling around my head. And driving me absolutely bonkers. I wish I could meet with my therapist more than once every two weeks. But I'm not gonna complain. My mom is paying for it when I know money is so incredibly tight. So I'm just lucky to have a mom that will do that for me. Because I definitely don't deserve it.

School is overwhelming me. I keep thinking I'm doing alright and then my professors tell me I did it completely wrong. Actually making things look like the example of what not to do. Great. Just great. I'm paying $700+ dollars to be told I'm an idiot. But on the bright side, today I learned I got full points on a writing assignment that I was unsure about. So I guess I'm not doing as badly as I thought.

I'm stressing about money. Seems like theres always something to spend money on. Except that I have no money. Right after I pay my tuition for next semester, my car feels like another engine mount is broken. This could all be me just being paranoid. But with my luck, I doubt it.

I don't really like who I am. But to be fair, I'm not even really sure of who I am. Everything is so confusing and overwhelming right now. Everyone is telling me that I have to experience things and discover new things and start to figure out what I believe. And decide these things on my own, not let somebody else influence me. But that just feels weird to me. Especially if what I believe conflicts with what my mother thinks. Because then I just feel guilty for believing it. It's just really hard to grow up in the midst of all of this crap. And I love my mom, but it's hard to grow up and become my own person while still in her house. That's not gonna make me run for the hills, but it does make it hard.

My puppy is asleep on my bed. My knees are telling me that's where I need to be. I'm such an old lady. My knees ache when I'm tired.

Time for this old lady to hit the hay. Night!